yeah, that is one thing that doesn't bring happy thoughts into your head when you hear it. i got out to my car this morning, unfortunately already running late to work, and saw this thing on my windshield. of course, to add insult to injury, there was ice all over my car...awesome.
yeah, so at first i thought that the piece of paper was a menu for a local chinese/italian restaurant because those things seem to show up all the time, but as i got closer i realized that it was in fact, a ticket. let's just say i was a little confused because, last time i checked, parking in a parking lot (within the lines of the spot, mind you) was legal.
the not bad (i'm not using the word good because tickets are, in nature, bad things) thing about this that i didn't owe any money, but i had to make like 10 phone calls to sort things out so it won't happen again.
*flash forward to 1:44pm (i had to take a break from writing b/c work got crazy)
it's so weird how i can totally change how i feel about things just by listening to one song...
When I close my eyes to this paradox place
I'll fly away, far away from here
I'll get away and dream, dream of you
When it's all said and done
And the night has come
I'll disappear, take flight on the wind of wishing you were here
Fading light, like a star whose life has been gone for years
And I'll fly, fly across the sky
And I'll leave, I'll leave it all behind
If you'll be here, here with me tonight
I'll be fine, I'll be fine
I'll be fine
- Mae, "Awakening"
the song isn't that long, but the emotion in it just totally moved me...i know why it did, but it's like i just, man, how can music affect me so much? on a side note, i'm pretty sure that i've been using the word "effect" and "affect" wrong recently, so i need to make a note to check in and see which one is right for different scenarios.
sigh, i just want to do the right thing and not mess up...God, i pray that you give me guidance.
ciao bella,
rhino
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
the pagemaster
what a great movie...you know, the one with the kid from home alone? yeah, i know i could just go to some website and get his name off of there and be cool like that, but i'm just going on what's in my head and heart right now.
if you haven't seen the movie, well, you aren't missing out on much really, i just had this odd urge to see it the other day, so i found it and watched it. now that the craving has been fulfilled i can move on to bigger things in life, like doing laundry. awesome.
it's been a crazy past week, to say the least. it started out awesome because by getting to see an old friend on monday as she came down and visited with her history class. let me tell you people, if you want your children to be ready for college (yes, all of college, not just in history)...she needs to be their teacher. hands down there isn't another person i know who loves her job more and, shows it on her sleeve, more than her and it was so refreshing to see that passion come out in her.
kind of puts selling air conditioners to shame, but oh well ;)
then, the rest of the week was mad crazy because i had to cover for a guy in the office who was out and that has been a little too much on my plate because i've barely been able to get the work done that i need to do. i had to stay late a couple of days and skip lunch to keep up with both work loads and, unfortunately, he won't be back in for at least the rest of this week. honestly, i don't think he will be back until two weeks from now, but we'll see.
anyway, so the week went by really fast and lead into the weekend, which was pretty sweet to start out with because i got to see my new friends down in Springfield, VA (about 40 mins from my place) and we just hung out and it was a blast as always. i tried my first cigar, which was cool until my stomach decided it didn't want to try it anymore.
and then saturday...after i got home from my friends place, i got to connect with an old friend who i def should have been talking to sooner (yes, i know i copied, but the feeling is mutual) and we talked for over 2 hours, which was pretty sweet.
actually, it was, as some of us nerds say to describe something awesome, "super-sweet."
we talked about so much random stuff, like all this stuff that we should have known already because we should be bff(and i already feel like we are even though we've only talked twice on the phone since re-connecting) but it was just great. we got to talk again tonight for just as long and i'm still running on some of the euphoria from talking to her...hmmm :)
but alas, i deter from my main point, which was to just throw a couple of things out there for people who do find themselves reading through my ramblings. the most important thing is about my friend lauren, who lost her mom on friday to breast cancer...i still don't even know where to start or what to tell her, but i hope she at least knows that her friends (including myself) are all here for her and that she knows how much we love her. people, please go call/hug/love your parents right now, regardless of how things may have been in the recent (or extended) past...they are awesome people who have dedicated their lives to see you excel in all things and love you unconditionally, which is not something that many people seem to do these days, so please don't miss out on that.
secondly, my grandmas aren't doing too hot, my mom's mom is in the hospital and will, henceforth, be living in a nursing home because she won't be able to take care of herself. i know that nursing homes are a necessity, but i feel like it's just like a step down a path that no one wants to talk about, so whereas she will be getting the help she needs, i'm not a big fan of that news.
on the other side of the family, hospice was recently called in to evaluate (yeah, kind of weird if you ask me) the situation of my grandma. she suffered a stroke a few years back and hasn't been the same since...it's incredibly difficult to see her because i know what she used to be like...it just sucks. anyway, with hospice being called in, i know that she doesn't have much time left, so it's just a matter of when now, which, once again, is not a path anyone wants to go down.
i know God will see me through all of this, and i know He is working in ways that i cannot see, but it's just crazy sometimes how things work out...i don't know, i just know for sure that i need to keep on truckin for Jesus and things will turn out alright in the end.
ciao bella,
rhino
if you haven't seen the movie, well, you aren't missing out on much really, i just had this odd urge to see it the other day, so i found it and watched it. now that the craving has been fulfilled i can move on to bigger things in life, like doing laundry. awesome.
it's been a crazy past week, to say the least. it started out awesome because by getting to see an old friend on monday as she came down and visited with her history class. let me tell you people, if you want your children to be ready for college (yes, all of college, not just in history)...she needs to be their teacher. hands down there isn't another person i know who loves her job more and, shows it on her sleeve, more than her and it was so refreshing to see that passion come out in her.
kind of puts selling air conditioners to shame, but oh well ;)
then, the rest of the week was mad crazy because i had to cover for a guy in the office who was out and that has been a little too much on my plate because i've barely been able to get the work done that i need to do. i had to stay late a couple of days and skip lunch to keep up with both work loads and, unfortunately, he won't be back in for at least the rest of this week. honestly, i don't think he will be back until two weeks from now, but we'll see.
anyway, so the week went by really fast and lead into the weekend, which was pretty sweet to start out with because i got to see my new friends down in Springfield, VA (about 40 mins from my place) and we just hung out and it was a blast as always. i tried my first cigar, which was cool until my stomach decided it didn't want to try it anymore.
and then saturday...after i got home from my friends place, i got to connect with an old friend who i def should have been talking to sooner (yes, i know i copied, but the feeling is mutual) and we talked for over 2 hours, which was pretty sweet.
actually, it was, as some of us nerds say to describe something awesome, "super-sweet."
we talked about so much random stuff, like all this stuff that we should have known already because we should be bff(and i already feel like we are even though we've only talked twice on the phone since re-connecting) but it was just great. we got to talk again tonight for just as long and i'm still running on some of the euphoria from talking to her...hmmm :)
but alas, i deter from my main point, which was to just throw a couple of things out there for people who do find themselves reading through my ramblings. the most important thing is about my friend lauren, who lost her mom on friday to breast cancer...i still don't even know where to start or what to tell her, but i hope she at least knows that her friends (including myself) are all here for her and that she knows how much we love her. people, please go call/hug/love your parents right now, regardless of how things may have been in the recent (or extended) past...they are awesome people who have dedicated their lives to see you excel in all things and love you unconditionally, which is not something that many people seem to do these days, so please don't miss out on that.
secondly, my grandmas aren't doing too hot, my mom's mom is in the hospital and will, henceforth, be living in a nursing home because she won't be able to take care of herself. i know that nursing homes are a necessity, but i feel like it's just like a step down a path that no one wants to talk about, so whereas she will be getting the help she needs, i'm not a big fan of that news.
on the other side of the family, hospice was recently called in to evaluate (yeah, kind of weird if you ask me) the situation of my grandma. she suffered a stroke a few years back and hasn't been the same since...it's incredibly difficult to see her because i know what she used to be like...it just sucks. anyway, with hospice being called in, i know that she doesn't have much time left, so it's just a matter of when now, which, once again, is not a path anyone wants to go down.
i know God will see me through all of this, and i know He is working in ways that i cannot see, but it's just crazy sometimes how things work out...i don't know, i just know for sure that i need to keep on truckin for Jesus and things will turn out alright in the end.
ciao bella,
rhino
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
love and marriage
is everyone my age married/engaged/about to be engaged?
i was checking out my news feed on fb, which is a lesser form of stalking in my opinion, but stalking nonetheless, and i saw that another one of my friend got engaged recently. don't get me wrong, i'm really happy for them, but i feel like i missed the boat or something.
i always thought that i would be at that point right now in life. it never really occurred to me until late in my junior year that the odds of me meeting someone at school and dating them beyond then were pretty slim and that it was going to be the single life for me starting out on my own. talk about a scary thought to add to already mounting feeling of true independence (something that many people have embraced moreso than myself) that was already coming about as i finished my undergrad.
my parents met in school, so as much as i feel like i can look to them for advice on many matters of life, this was one area that they couldn't really relate with me on, and i really was, in fact, on my own.
i got back and forth on the whole issue a lot...i don't regret anything i did in school, i think that everything i did happened like it should have, for better or worse, and i learned from my actions and they have helped shaped me into who i am today. however, i guess i just thought that regardless of what i did in school that i would have a lady by my side right now. it was so weird graduating and being opened up to an entire world of people, some like the people i knew at school, but a majority of them not (still trying to figure out if that is a good thing or not) and not knowing what to do.
the whole dating scene is completely different once you get out of college, except for the fact that it's still ridiculously hard for decent guys to get girls numbers just to maybe hang out again. since i'm more into the "getting to know someone before i get involved with them" thing, i feel like it makes even worse at times. it's hard to make a pick-up line out of "hey, do you want to spend some time together getting to know each other and maybe be friends before we start making out?" so my recent attempts have been futile.
then again, i might be going after the wrong girls. who know though, well, God does, and this is definitely one time i wish i could be just imparted with that knowledge of what is to come...honestly, everything else i'm cool with not knowing about, this is the only thing that i would love to get my mind off of because it's a typical thought i find myself pondering every so often.
am i going to meet the right girl? have i already met the right girl? did i miss out on my chance? will it be someone i meet 10 years from now? seriously, of all things that i should be able to just hand off, this is the one thing that i've been trying to handle by myself since, pardon the phrase, God knows when. i've never been able to just be okay with not thinking about it or doing something about it because i always feel like i'll miss out if i'm not actively involved on an almost daily basis.
i think that i'm just scared that i missed out...i don't know. regardless though, this is something that i definitely need to hand up to the Big Guy and call it a day on because thinking about it has gotten me nowhere.
ciao bella,
rhino
i was checking out my news feed on fb, which is a lesser form of stalking in my opinion, but stalking nonetheless, and i saw that another one of my friend got engaged recently. don't get me wrong, i'm really happy for them, but i feel like i missed the boat or something.
i always thought that i would be at that point right now in life. it never really occurred to me until late in my junior year that the odds of me meeting someone at school and dating them beyond then were pretty slim and that it was going to be the single life for me starting out on my own. talk about a scary thought to add to already mounting feeling of true independence (something that many people have embraced moreso than myself) that was already coming about as i finished my undergrad.
my parents met in school, so as much as i feel like i can look to them for advice on many matters of life, this was one area that they couldn't really relate with me on, and i really was, in fact, on my own.
i got back and forth on the whole issue a lot...i don't regret anything i did in school, i think that everything i did happened like it should have, for better or worse, and i learned from my actions and they have helped shaped me into who i am today. however, i guess i just thought that regardless of what i did in school that i would have a lady by my side right now. it was so weird graduating and being opened up to an entire world of people, some like the people i knew at school, but a majority of them not (still trying to figure out if that is a good thing or not) and not knowing what to do.
the whole dating scene is completely different once you get out of college, except for the fact that it's still ridiculously hard for decent guys to get girls numbers just to maybe hang out again. since i'm more into the "getting to know someone before i get involved with them" thing, i feel like it makes even worse at times. it's hard to make a pick-up line out of "hey, do you want to spend some time together getting to know each other and maybe be friends before we start making out?" so my recent attempts have been futile.
then again, i might be going after the wrong girls. who know though, well, God does, and this is definitely one time i wish i could be just imparted with that knowledge of what is to come...honestly, everything else i'm cool with not knowing about, this is the only thing that i would love to get my mind off of because it's a typical thought i find myself pondering every so often.
am i going to meet the right girl? have i already met the right girl? did i miss out on my chance? will it be someone i meet 10 years from now? seriously, of all things that i should be able to just hand off, this is the one thing that i've been trying to handle by myself since, pardon the phrase, God knows when. i've never been able to just be okay with not thinking about it or doing something about it because i always feel like i'll miss out if i'm not actively involved on an almost daily basis.
i think that i'm just scared that i missed out...i don't know. regardless though, this is something that i definitely need to hand up to the Big Guy and call it a day on because thinking about it has gotten me nowhere.
ciao bella,
rhino
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
hopes and fears
song of the blog: "we might as well be strangers" by keane
so i find myself at the computer, like i am most nights, and i caught myself pondering things...another thing that i do most nights. anyway, i was thinking about valentine's day...*interruption*
i just got a knock on my door...which is incredibly random for where i live and, the people who i know who live out this way don't exactly stop by at 10:28 on a wednesday night to say hi. so back to the knock, i check it out and it is of course not anyone i know, but the guy didn't look menacing so i opened up and he was like, you left you keys in the door...
what?
awesome ryan, you left your keys, which pretty much contains your life in a little ring, out for all the world to see and to take. fortunately enough, dan (that was his name), was cool enough to inform me and save me from a panic attack tomorrow morning when i couldn't find my keys. thanks dan, the tomorrow ryan greatly appreciates your gesture.
alright, so back to the v-day pondering...i've always been a fan of the day, unlike most of the people i know for some reason. i know it's a pseudo holiday, but it's still fun to celebrate it, whether or not i am in a relationship or interested in a girl or just living it up being single. but my thinking doesn't have much to do with the celebration of the day or the festivities, it has to do more with other things.
i'm definitely looking forward to my plans tomorrow, but i worry that my mind won't be where i would want it to be. no, it's not going there, but because i'm still torn inside from a recent wound, i don't know if i'll be just playing the part or actually in the moment. is that fair to me or the other person if i'm in that state? does getting over things mean i have to move on to someone else, or does it mean that i just remain by myself for a few more months? i'm just tired of messing things up and things not working.
i know, i know, i just need to give things up to God, and i do try, but it's just tough sometimes. and it of course doesn't help that i have plenty of free time at night...that's why i try to stay busy during the week so i don't have time to think about this stuff and i just let it all happen. i know for some people that doing things, like going out, etc., is because they have fun, but it's so much more than just that for me.
i can handle a little alone time, but i'm not a fan because i just mull over things and get myself into these stupid ruts that don't do me any good. and now, i think i've bared enough of my soul to my online journal.
"I don't know your thoughts these days
We're strangers in an empty space
I don't understand your heart
It's easier to be apart"
ciao bella,
rhino
so i find myself at the computer, like i am most nights, and i caught myself pondering things...another thing that i do most nights. anyway, i was thinking about valentine's day...*interruption*
i just got a knock on my door...which is incredibly random for where i live and, the people who i know who live out this way don't exactly stop by at 10:28 on a wednesday night to say hi. so back to the knock, i check it out and it is of course not anyone i know, but the guy didn't look menacing so i opened up and he was like, you left you keys in the door...
what?
awesome ryan, you left your keys, which pretty much contains your life in a little ring, out for all the world to see and to take. fortunately enough, dan (that was his name), was cool enough to inform me and save me from a panic attack tomorrow morning when i couldn't find my keys. thanks dan, the tomorrow ryan greatly appreciates your gesture.
alright, so back to the v-day pondering...i've always been a fan of the day, unlike most of the people i know for some reason. i know it's a pseudo holiday, but it's still fun to celebrate it, whether or not i am in a relationship or interested in a girl or just living it up being single. but my thinking doesn't have much to do with the celebration of the day or the festivities, it has to do more with other things.
i'm definitely looking forward to my plans tomorrow, but i worry that my mind won't be where i would want it to be. no, it's not going there, but because i'm still torn inside from a recent wound, i don't know if i'll be just playing the part or actually in the moment. is that fair to me or the other person if i'm in that state? does getting over things mean i have to move on to someone else, or does it mean that i just remain by myself for a few more months? i'm just tired of messing things up and things not working.
i know, i know, i just need to give things up to God, and i do try, but it's just tough sometimes. and it of course doesn't help that i have plenty of free time at night...that's why i try to stay busy during the week so i don't have time to think about this stuff and i just let it all happen. i know for some people that doing things, like going out, etc., is because they have fun, but it's so much more than just that for me.
i can handle a little alone time, but i'm not a fan because i just mull over things and get myself into these stupid ruts that don't do me any good. and now, i think i've bared enough of my soul to my online journal.
"I don't know your thoughts these days
We're strangers in an empty space
I don't understand your heart
It's easier to be apart"
ciao bella,
rhino
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
two roads
i totally forgot that i had already made this blog until today. thinking about it, i remember one night that i really wanted to start writing again (i had one a long time ago, but dropped it because i thought i should...not really sure why now though). after checking out my some of friends blogs recently, i decided that i would start things up for real.
geez, where to start...for one, i hope that no one takes what i write out of context...i imagine that only people i know will read this, if any. then again, i think that is what most people hope for when they write on these things. i'm sure there are exceptions, but for the most part i think that blogging is just a way to emote things in another media.
i keep thinking that i have to update or write in a consistent manner, but i have to keep reminding myself that it's my blog and that mean i can do it whenever i want. the whole independence thing (life, job, graduation, etc.) is still new to me because i'm so used to following some sort of guidelines. now the only thing i have that really does keep my in check is a job, but even then, after 5:00 it's back to my life and no structure.
i've tried getting down some good habits, like being involved at church, eating right and going to the gym...i think that i'm doing a good job at that sort of stuff, but there's no one to tell me or give me a "grade," if you will, so i have nothing really to say if it's "A" student material, or "C" student material (like i'm more use to). it's weird being out and trying to figure it all out for yourself, especially if half of your heart is still in the midwest.
i'm trying to transition still and i do love it out here on the east coast...i guess it's just something that comes along with time...like the longer i spend out here, the more acclimated i will become to the area and what not. and then i think, i don't want to get acclimated, that sounds like i'm forcing myself to conform to an area that i might not fit into exactly, and that's no good. i don't know, it's just some of the things i think about sometimes and it makes me wonder where i'm supposed to be right now.
there is a lot going for me now though, but i always feel like there could be more...who knows, only time will tell i suppose.
ciao for now,
-rhino
geez, where to start...for one, i hope that no one takes what i write out of context...i imagine that only people i know will read this, if any. then again, i think that is what most people hope for when they write on these things. i'm sure there are exceptions, but for the most part i think that blogging is just a way to emote things in another media.
i keep thinking that i have to update or write in a consistent manner, but i have to keep reminding myself that it's my blog and that mean i can do it whenever i want. the whole independence thing (life, job, graduation, etc.) is still new to me because i'm so used to following some sort of guidelines. now the only thing i have that really does keep my in check is a job, but even then, after 5:00 it's back to my life and no structure.
i've tried getting down some good habits, like being involved at church, eating right and going to the gym...i think that i'm doing a good job at that sort of stuff, but there's no one to tell me or give me a "grade," if you will, so i have nothing really to say if it's "A" student material, or "C" student material (like i'm more use to). it's weird being out and trying to figure it all out for yourself, especially if half of your heart is still in the midwest.
i'm trying to transition still and i do love it out here on the east coast...i guess it's just something that comes along with time...like the longer i spend out here, the more acclimated i will become to the area and what not. and then i think, i don't want to get acclimated, that sounds like i'm forcing myself to conform to an area that i might not fit into exactly, and that's no good. i don't know, it's just some of the things i think about sometimes and it makes me wonder where i'm supposed to be right now.
there is a lot going for me now though, but i always feel like there could be more...who knows, only time will tell i suppose.
ciao for now,
-rhino
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