love and marriage

is everyone my age married/engaged/about to be engaged?

i was checking out my news feed on fb, which is a lesser form of stalking in my opinion, but stalking nonetheless, and i saw that another one of my friend got engaged recently. don't get me wrong, i'm really happy for them, but i feel like i missed the boat or something.

i always thought that i would be at that point right now in life. it never really occurred to me until late in my junior year that the odds of me meeting someone at school and dating them beyond then were pretty slim and that it was going to be the single life for me starting out on my own. talk about a scary thought to add to already mounting feeling of true independence (something that many people have embraced moreso than myself) that was already coming about as i finished my undergrad.

my parents met in school, so as much as i feel like i can look to them for advice on many matters of life, this was one area that they couldn't really relate with me on, and i really was, in fact, on my own.

i got back and forth on the whole issue a lot...i don't regret anything i did in school, i think that everything i did happened like it should have, for better or worse, and i learned from my actions and they have helped shaped me into who i am today. however, i guess i just thought that regardless of what i did in school that i would have a lady by my side right now. it was so weird graduating and being opened up to an entire world of people, some like the people i knew at school, but a majority of them not (still trying to figure out if that is a good thing or not) and not knowing what to do.

the whole dating scene is completely different once you get out of college, except for the fact that it's still ridiculously hard for decent guys to get girls numbers just to maybe hang out again. since i'm more into the "getting to know someone before i get involved with them" thing, i feel like it makes even worse at times. it's hard to make a pick-up line out of "hey, do you want to spend some time together getting to know each other and maybe be friends before we start making out?" so my recent attempts have been futile.

then again, i might be going after the wrong girls. who know though, well, God does, and this is definitely one time i wish i could be just imparted with that knowledge of what is to come...honestly, everything else i'm cool with not knowing about, this is the only thing that i would love to get my mind off of because it's a typical thought i find myself pondering every so often.

am i going to meet the right girl? have i already met the right girl? did i miss out on my chance? will it be someone i meet 10 years from now? seriously, of all things that i should be able to just hand off, this is the one thing that i've been trying to handle by myself since, pardon the phrase, God knows when. i've never been able to just be okay with not thinking about it or doing something about it because i always feel like i'll miss out if i'm not actively involved on an almost daily basis.

i think that i'm just scared that i missed out...i don't know. regardless though, this is something that i definitely need to hand up to the Big Guy and call it a day on because thinking about it has gotten me nowhere.

ciao bella,
rhino